It was a late midsummer's evening, my body was exhausted from a long day of Fusion Frenzy, Amazing Race, Slopping, and other zany summer camp activities. I was standing in the humid, musky shower house. I was standing underneath the shower head soaking up the ice cold water with only a disturbingly transparent shower curtain protecting me from the masses of angst-filled adolescent buffoons who were all packed into the small spider-infested bathhouse. I washed my sore and beaten-down body free of all the grime of a long, hot, summer day completely unaware of the imminent danger and potential public humiliation which was close at hand.
Camp Smiling Acres was the name of the camp in which I was staying, it is a great place, but it isn't as luxurious as some campers are used to. The camp consists of 5 landmarks. As you pull into the small patch of gravel in which one is expected to park, immediately adjacent to the parking space you have the Large pavilion. The Large pavilion has the kitchen which joins with the adult female living quarters on the first floor, and above that is the adult male living quarters where the fuhrer, aka Camp Director, sleeps. A larger open concrete area is also under the massive roof of the Large pavilion. Most daily activities take place in this area along with the camper's three daily meals and two daily snacks. The large pavilion doesn't play any role in this story, but I just thought you should know. The small pavilion is located on the right of the gravel road leading up to the parking space a little ways before you get to the large pavilion. The small pavilion is where most devotional sessions take place, nearby the small wooden pavilion are the basketball court and pool. None of these places play any slight role in the story either. The camp is obviously segregated by gender. The female section of camp is off yonder past the Large pavilion, and might I add, has much nicer bathrooms. The male section of camp is to the right of the large pavilion in a wooded area. In between the small pavilion and the boys' side of camp is a dirt path which leads over a hill and into the ball fields, but the ball fields also play absolutely no role whatsoever in this story.
Boys' camp consists of four cabins located in a small area that was clear of brush and forestry. The bathhouse was located ahead of the four cabins, and from the trees located near it were hanging a couple of clothes lines. Clothes lines were a resource that were highly competed for at camp. There is little room on said clothes lines where one could hang there clothes, towels, etc. to dry. Often, the clothes would be hung on top of one another rendering the clothes line useless and leaving both garments damp and smelly. It didn't help that camp was an overall messy environment, and one individual would have multiple pairs of wet clothing which would require prompt drying. Rain was also quite possible which often led to your clothes being more sopping wet than when you set them out there to begin with. And others were often careless or completely uncaring towards others and simply would knock your garments to the ground where they also would fail to dry. It was a messy deal honestly. The clotheslines honestly don't play any role in the story, but I am sure that you guessed that.
Finally, in front of the bathhouse, there was a single, unnatural, dark, wicked, solitary, accursed, light post. It was like a telephone pole in structure, except it had a light atop its towering wooden structure which never shown. It was a rather normal seeming pole to the ignorant passerby, but an evil was going to take place there that night which would shine a revealing light on that dark and dreaded pillar of despair. And in case you are a bit slow, this is definitely a location relevant to the story. Back to the shower.
I was washing myself after a long day, and it was most likely with a body wash and shampoo unfamiliar to me. I never packed that sort of thing for camp. I normally mooched off of whatever was left lying around the showerhouse. Anyhow, as I finished washing my person, I quickly dried my body off, and headed toward the door. As I approached the exit, I could see the ominous light post illuminated only by the light of the moon. As I stepped one foot out of the door... Hold on, I forgot.
To fully comprehend the event I am going to disclose, I have to go back one night. It was the first night of camp. Normally, the first night of camp is supposed to be peaceful in nature. But not this night. I could go into great detail about the events describing it thoroughly, but I guess I will just cut to the chase.
At this time, I was in the youngest boys' cabin (Cabin 3). We were all rather scrawny kids, which consequently left us prone to getting picked on the most. I mean, what were we going to do about it? Cabin 3 also had the most laid back Cabin Captain. Cabin 1 was the oldest cabin, which made them the most mature group of boys present. (There really wasn't much competition). The Cabin Captain of Cabin 1 was a young man who was extremely strong, chiseled, and had quite a hot temper. He also held the winning streak of the team challenges for the last two years of camp (and he would go on to continue his streak through the current year as well). Then, there was Cabin 2. Cabin 2 was filled with the lowest, meanest, diabolical, boys at camp. Ages 14-16, the ages in a young boy's life in which he becomes the dumbest jerk on the face of the planet. I choose to blame hormone imbalances. The Cabin Captain of Cabin 2 suited the cabin perfectly. He was simply a jerk, straight-up Dugong of a man.
Anyway, the first night of camp was supposed to be a quiet night, but as it turned out, Cabin 2 decided to get ahead of the game on their monkeyshines and prank us younglings on the first night. It really wasn't a big deal. A child whose name escapes me came in with lipstick and drew on our faces. I woke up while he was drawing on my face, so I saw exactly who he was. I was really too tired to care, so I just went back to sleep. The rest of my fellow brethren of Cabin 3 simply woke up with lipstick all over their faces. One kid did end up crying though. Classic Richard. Anyway, I simply washed it off early in the morning whenever I woke up, but even though the casualties were basically nonexistent, I still wanted vengeance.
I gathered my equally enraged brethren and we infiltrated Cabin 2 in the wee hours of the morn. We had one weapon in our arsenal. Baby Powder. A small prank in return for a small prank. It seemed fair to me. We opened the door to Cabin 2 in the usual tactless manner young boys possess, but Cabin 2 was filled with crafty devils. They had set a trap!
A broom had been tied to the ceiling and jimmy-rigged so that it came swinging down on my face as soon as the door was opened. Our forces retreated back to the cabin in fear. We had been discovered! But then, after a minute or so, we peeked our little heads out of the door to check out the damage, and we saw that the door to Cabin 2 was still open and the broom was just hanging limply there by a string. We stealthily returned and searched the bunk beds in search of the fiend until we at long last found him, and then we powdered him. He looked like the Pillsbury Doughboy, it was great.
Unfortunately, Cabin 2 did not take this assault lightly, and even more unfortunately, I was pinned as the ringleader of the escapade. I had a bright red target painted on my back, and no matter how long I spent in the shower, it wasn't going to come off.
Finally, we can go back to the bathhouse. I had just finished drying up, and I had one foot out of the door whenever I was ambushed from both sides. My towel fell to the ground and I was lifted to the ground by the arms and legs. I couldn't fight it. My frail, young body could do nothing against these chubby teens. They pinned me to the light post. Everything was a blur. The sound of duct tape screaming as I was tied down, anchored steadfastly to the pole. I looked around as all of the other boys laughed and scoffed me, one of the adult counselors was taking pictures, and Captain of Cabin 2 was applauding as his puppets did his dirty deeds. I looked at the devils tying me to the pillar of despair. Then my heart sank to a low like none other. For my own brother had the duct tape in his hands as well. Like Caesar who was attacked by his greatest friend Brutus I had been utterly betrayed.
"Cover his face!" roared the Captain of Cabin 2.
Without flinching my own brother covered my mouth, nose, eyes. The last thing I saw, was the grin which was gleaming in the moonlight, and the look in his eyes which cut me to the heart. My young mind could not perceive it. All I could hear through the tape was the bellowing and the eruptions of laughter from all of those around me. I started to choke on my tears. I began gasping for air, but I could get none. I had been sealed in this tomb of duct tape. I couldn't breathe. My mind was spinning, my heart was racing, my pride was crumbling, and my soul was hurled into utter despair. The judgement of all my peers and their laughter as I stood defenseless, weak, and alone, tore me apart. I was beyond embarrassed. I was ashamed.
Then, the tape was ripped from my face suddenly and instantly. My eyes were open, and the first thing I saw was the Captain of Cabin 1 towering above my assailants. He threw one of them to the ground. Then, with one hand he ripped me free from the pole and I fell to my knees. He then delivered one of the most heroic speeches I have ever heard. It went something to this effect:
"You fools! You devils! Feast thine eyes upon the works of thy crimson hands! Here lies a boy, a mere child! What hath he done to deserve such anguish! Let me hear the offense worthy of such persecution! Who hear shall tell it to me? Give the full testament! That you should beset him as a lions environ a lamb ere they tear he limb from limb! You dastards! Caitiffs!"
At this point the Captain of Cabin 2 spoke feebly in defense, "A jest-"
"Silence! You cur! You blubbering yellow harrier! Shall I mutilate thee in the presence of these? Shall I emasculate thee by thy peers and by thy adherents, thy disciples? Say another word and I will make a eunuch of thee for mere jest! I say for mere jest! Thou art a fool. I say a fool who governs fools! Return now to your hole you worms and rest now, for if I catch by whisper of wind a single unrest or stirring, mine wrath shall be poured out upon thee like that of a fire from the heavens which descends in a whirlwind!"
He then sent the crowds away, and carried me to receive medical treatment at the Large Pavilion. (Look at that, it was in the story after all). The next day the word had reached the girls' side of camp, and all of the cute girls heard about it and that too was embarrassing.
My brother apologized that night for his actions, and I forgave him. After all, grudges only create dissension which of course leads to discord which leads to the dark side. And the same thing applies to vengeance. I still have respect for the Cabin 1 Captain who saved me on that fateful night, and I have stayed in touch with him over the years. Anyway, that is one of my most embarrassing moments of all time. I hope you enjoyed it. That is, if you survived long enough to read the whole thing.
Well,
that is all I've got for this session,
until next time,
stay sweet,
stay lowe,
signing off,
SweetnLowe.
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